I've lost everything three times in my life. Each time, I thought it was the end. Each time, I was wrong. The third time taught me something crucial: falling apart isn't failureāit's preparation for something better.
If you're reading this while your world is crumbling around you, I want you to know something: you're not broken. You're not weak. You're human, and humans are remarkably resilient creatures. We just forget that sometimes.
The Three Times I Lost Everything
The first time was in my thirties. Business failed, marriage ended, house foreclosed. I thought I was done. Spent months feeling sorry for myself, wondering what I'd done wrong.
The second time was in my forties. Built it all back up, then lost it again. Different circumstances, same devastation. This time I was angry. Angry at the world, at God, at myself.
The third time was in my fifties. By then, I'd learned something important: falling apart is part of the process, not the end of it.
What I Learned About Rebuilding
1. Feel the Pain, Don't Fight It
The first mistake I made was trying to push through the pain like it wasn't there. Pain is information. It tells you what mattered, what you valued, what you need to grieve before you can move forward.
Give yourself permission to hurt. Set a timer if you need toā30 minutes a day to feel sorry for yourself. Then get up and do one small thing toward rebuilding.
2. Start with What You Can Control
When everything's chaos, focus on the basics:
- Get up at the same time every day
- Make your bed
- Eat regular meals
- Move your body
- Connect with one person who cares about you
These aren't solutions to your problems. They're the foundation that makes solutions possible.
3. Inventory What's Left
After my third collapse, I sat down and made a list of what I still had:
- My health (mostly)
- My experience (hard-earned)
- My relationships (the real ones survived)
- My skills (couldn't be repossessed)
- My story (now with more chapters)
You have more than you think. You just can't see it through the rubble yet.
4. Build Differently This Time
Here's what I wish someone had told me: don't try to rebuild the same life. Build a better one.
Each time I fell apart, I was clinging to a version of success that wasn't sustainable. The third time, I asked different questions:
- What do I actually want, not what I think I should want?
- What are my real values, not the ones I inherited?
- How can I build something that serves others, not just myself?
5. Find Your People
You can't rebuild alone. I don't care how independent you areāisolation is the enemy of recovery.
Look for people who've been where you are. Not people who want to fix you, but people who understand what it's like to start over. They're out there, and they're waiting to help.
The Rebuilding Process
Phase 1: Stabilize (Weeks 1-4)
Focus on basic needs and routines. Don't make big decisions. Just survive and establish some stability.
Phase 2: Assess (Weeks 5-8)
Take inventory of your resources, skills, and options. Start exploring what's possible without committing to anything major.
Phase 3: Plan (Weeks 9-12)
Develop a realistic plan for moving forward. Set small, achievable goals. Build momentum with early wins.
Phase 4: Build (Months 4-12)
Execute your plan one step at a time. Expect setbacks. Adjust as needed. Celebrate small victories.
Phase 5: Thrive (Year 2 and beyond)
Now you're not just rebuildingāyou're building something better than what you had before.
What I Know Now
Falling apart isn't the opposite of successāit's often the prerequisite for it. Every time I've rebuilt, I've built something stronger, more authentic, more aligned with who I really am.
The person you become through rebuilding is someone who couldn't have existed without the falling apart. That person has wisdom, resilience, and compassion that can only come from having been broken and choosing to rebuild.
"The wound is the place where the Light enters you." - Rumi
Your current crisis isn't the end of your story. It's the beginning of a new chapter. And if you're willing to do the workāthe slow, unglamorous work of rebuilding one day at a timeāthat new chapter might be the best one yet.
If You're Starting Over Today
Here's what I want you to do right now:
- Take a deep breath
- Make your bed
- Eat something nutritious
- Call someone who cares about you
- Write down three things you're grateful for
- Do one small thing toward your future
That's it. That's how rebuilding starts. Not with a grand plan or a dramatic gesture, but with small acts of self-care and forward movement.
You've got this. I know because I've been there, and if an old guy like me can rebuild three times, you can rebuild once.
The best is yet to come.